Saturday, July 5, 2008

California........Day 3 or was it 4???

My sister wrote notes each day about the things we did, and I sure wish I had them because the days are running together in my mind. I think this was day 3. It could very well be a combination of 2 days, since I had a big upset.

I was really excited and also nervous about seeing my son. We hadn't seen each other for several years and it was very good to see him that first night and the next morning.

Then it happened. There was a misunderstanding that really didn't even involve me, but in his mind, my son thought I was somehow at the root of this problem. There was a verbal blowout. Never, ever let anyone tell you that sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you! Words can be terrible weapons. Kind of like weapons of mass destruction of the heart!

Sister and DIL tried telling me that it wasn't my son talking, it was the drugs, but I was looking at the baby I gave birth to and out of his mouth were coming words of great hurt. Some of them so crazy that I knew indeed that the drugs were a part of his thinking, but the hurt was no less.

The children were out of earshot and thankfully heard none of this, although I think they've heard enough.

Later that day, he did apologize by text message, (did I ever tell you I hate text messaging? For real!) adding the qualifier that he wasn't wrong but was sorry for his behavior. I'm very grateful that he apologized. I know that the Lord Jesus has to hear my apologies daily.

I know my son may read this so to him I say this, dear child, I am so sorry that you have so much anger inside. I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for me, but most of all, I'm sorry for your children. I'm sorry that for 8 days in June, we couldn't just enjoy being together. My mind keeps returning to days when I would read to you "Gr**n E*ggs and H*m" and at the end, you would jump up and say "Read it again mama!" I cling to those memories.

I pray the Lord will change your heart. I pray you will be able to give up the drugs and be the man I know you can be, carrying out the plan God has for you.

I'm so glad we had this happy picture before things got so mixed up.

On a happier note, later that day, my sister, DIL and grandchildren drove over to a big outlet mall nearby. We did a little shopping, bought an outfit for everyone.

That night we ate at a really good Chinese restaurant we found while shopping at the outlets. I think it was called the Iron Wok. We got in and got seated when my sister said it was too cold for her at that table. We called the waitress and were moved into the buddha room. No kidding there was a huge buddha statue at the back of the room, with lots of candles burning. Can you believe I forgot my camera??? I was a little uncomfortable with buddha. My grandson soon discovered that we didn't have enough light and that when it got dark outside it would be us, the candles and buddha! We called our poor waitress yet again. I'm sure she was thinking they better leave me a really good tip! She got the manager and we were moved to the VIP section! The lighting was good, the temperature just right and the food......YUMMY! We got a much needed laugh and very full stomachs.

We got home and dropped into bed! Remember we were in a different time zone than we were used to!

Added note: Sometimes it may seem that I share things too personal. I don't want anyone to ever believe that as a Christian I have no problems! "In this world, you will have many troubles...." This is a promise Jesus gave us and I believe that even in our deepest sorrows, He is teaching us something that we can share with the world.


Dawn said...

I am so sorry that I am so far behind - I don't know how that happened, but I'm realizing it as I go around and visit all my good friends.

I am SO sorry that the worst happened, as you feared. That is all I know to say. But you are so right about words - that saying is absolutely not true!

I'm glad you had fun with the grands and all the other people you were with. Concentrate on that!

Keetha said...

I have found parenting to be a very difficult task, and one of the most heartbreaking parts is when you know their perception of your intents are not the same as your intents. But, they will believe their perception and not your intent.

I'm sorry you had an experience like that. They are painful, painful, painful.

Needled Mom said...

I am sorry for his anger, for your hurt and for the poor children that have probably witnessed this action way too many times in their short lives. I pray for him that he will realize the man and father that he could be too.

The restaurant story is too funny. I can see the flurry of activity with all of you. I really dislike cold and dark restaurants. Guess as we get older the lighting is so much more important.

Tonja said...

My heart breaks for you, my friend. And, you are so right, there is no other hurt like the hurt from your child. I pray that he reads your words, and realizes what his words did to your heart. I am so sorry that your trip had to be spoiled by this. I am sure, though, that you have shown your grandchildren what forgiveness and love is all about. They will not forget.

Sheryl said...

Wow, in describing your son you are describing my (estranged) husband. He doesn't have the drugs to blame for his anger, however. We have been the recipients of verbal attacks for years but he doesn't see it. I guess that's why he's choosing a divorce over working on it. I am sorry you had to hear those things from your son. I know what it feels like as a wife, but cannot imagine it as a mom.

I am glad you were moved out of the Buddha room. Something about that would have freaked me out a bit. Sounds like all in all the trip was a great time.


thouartloosed said...

My heart hurts for you and for your son. I've had similar pain inflicted by one of my sons who has drug issues. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

nancygrayce said...

Sheryl, their dad did talk like that when he was angry.....they heard it a LOT. I'm always aware that children do actually learn what they live. I'm just so sorry that he couldn't break that cycle. Only after I was married to my present husband, did I know you could be a wife and not be talked to like that! God is good, and showed me what a Christian marriage could be.

nancygrayce said...

Again, thanks to you all for the prayers! I am ever grateful to have a God that is big enough for these problems, and friends far and near that are prayer warriors.

Em said...

Hi - I'm loving your pictures from your visit to california! It looks like you had a nice time even if you had an arguement with your son. I am sure your DIL and grandchildren are so happy to have visited with you! They all look beautiful!

jennifer said...

Oh Nancy. I have a seven year old son and this makes me want to go and grab him and hold him and make him promise to never let us become estranged. Honey, I am so sorry that things couldn't just be wonderful the whole time. Just so sorry. But you have such a lovely Faith in the Lord and that will get you through. It is one of our promises, that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Praise God!