"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic power over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the spirit with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert........ "
I am trying with the Lord's help to put on the whole armor of God.....I have been so tempted to just give up and throw in the towel where my son is concerned. I told my husband that some days I feel like I'm in an Alfred Hitchcock movie....or the twilight zone. We were watching 48 hours and I said (silly me), how do people get in such a mess, I just can't imagine how they go from a normal life to this mess.....then I laughed (believe me I needed to laugh) and said, why would I of all people think anyone else's life was unbelievable.
I always think of the song popular when I was a young teen (dating myself)....."People say I'm the life of the party, cause I tell a joke or two.....well, I may be laughing loud and hardy, deep inside I'm blue....so take a good look at my face, if you look closer you'll see a trace, the tracks of my tears.." If tears could change things......but only prayer....only prayer....Only God can change a heart. I pray he will change Paul. When I'm particularly down (today), I think of King David and how he cried out to the Lord in his distress.
I thought I would share a bit about Michael Paul, my first born. When he was born I had a severe kidney disease....he only weighed in at 3 lbs. 11 ozs. Back in that day, 36 years ago....I held him only once ( all gowned up) before I left the hospital and left him there in an incubator for 28 days. I went to the hospital twice daily and stood outside the glass and looked in at him. I never touched him again during all that time. When I finally got to bring him home, he was not a cuddly baby.....he was very stiff and not an easy baby. But oh, how I loved him.....so many loved him.....grandparents, aunts, uncles....cousins. He never lacked for love. As he grew, he had difficulties controling his temper.....he seemed angry even when he had (in our minds) no reason to be. The first time he was allowed out without our supervision, he came home so drunk, i almost took him to the emergency room......I knew little or nothing about drugs. He got into drugs early on and plummeted into that dark hole that leads to nowhere. He entered the navy at 19 and participated in the first Gulf war....on the U.S.S. New Orleans. As soon as he came home he married and brought his precious wife home to meet us. She walked into our hearts and lives immediately and has a strong bond with us all to this day. Throughout their tumultous marriage..... she remained as sweet to us and so gracious where the children were concerned....bringing them here to visit for years after she and my son were divorced. Paul continued to have so many problems with the alcohol and drugs. He was in several short term programs. In jail several times and things I probably don't even know about. I got many a middle of the nite call.
But to this day, I know God can and will change his heart of stone to a heart of flesh! I join many other parents who are praying for their children.